The Power of How We Pay Attention….by, Sally Maslansky
Neuroplasticity: The overall process with which brain connections are changed by experience, including the way we pay attention.
— Daniel J. Siegel, Pocket Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology
I think of neuroplasticity as the superpower we all have.
Our brains aren’t fixed. They’re shaped, reshaped, and refined by experience – and by how we pay attention. When we use that capacity intentionally, with awareness, we participate in how our brains are shaped. We have the opportunity to choose, over time, how we are in the world.
But here’s the thing – even when we aren’t aware, neuroplastic change still happens.
Experience wires us – neurons that fire together, wire together…
Repeated phrases. Emotional exchanges. Habits of speech. Tone. Humor. Love. Loss.
It all leaves a trace. We can choose the meaning we give our experience.
Recently, I noticed a small but meaningful example in my own life.
When I was married, my husband was a very funny man. If ever I began a sentence with, “This is really interesting…” or “This is really funny…,” he would reply – in a playful, loving tone – “I’ll be the judge of that.”
It always made me smile.
He’s been gone for over a year now. Since his death, every time I hear myself begin a sentence in that way, I notice a quiet laugh inside. I hear him. I feel him. The neural networks shaped by years of shared humor and love are alive and well within.
Neuroplasticity.
But there’s something else….
I’ve begun noticing that old phrase of mine… “This is really interesting…or funny…” and realizing that when I say it, I may be subtly – or maybe not so subtly – telling the other person how they should experience what I’m about to share. As if I’m pre-deciding their response.
With that awareness, I started wanting to change that habit.
Today, while writing an email, I caught myself about to use the phrase again. And I paused. I wanted to say what I meant – clearly and directly – without implying how it should land for the reader.
That small moment of awareness stopped me.
And that’s when I noticed – neuroplasticity at work.
Not dramatic. Not therapeutic. Not grand.
Just a subtle shift. Awareness interrupting habit. Choice reshaping language. Language reshaping relationship.
My brain had been shaped through years of loving humor.
Now it’s changing again through attention.
This is the superpower we all possess.
When we live without awareness, experience still wires us – but not necessarily in ways we might choose. When we bring awareness to our patterns, habits, and most private thoughts – even the smallest ones, we begin to choose how our minds continue to form.
Neuroplasticity isn’t only about trauma and healing. It’s also about memory and laughter. Grief that carries warmth. About catching a phrase mid-sentence and deciding to speak and think differently.
The brain is always changing.
The question is not whether change is happening.
The question is – how are we paying attention?